Date: 2018-02-25 14:28
Death would be great right now. i am so tired. why is it me? what did i do wrong in my life to be delt this card? why cant i just have a happy life? every thing else in my life is great i have a beautiful *censored* 8 yr old girl, and lovely home in a lovely location. loving family on both car, a great new job (returning to work) and everything i ever need. but i have this man who has a terrible drinking problem. he drinks everyday as soon as he gets home. and sometimes walks in the door with a can in his hand as though hes been drinking on the way home.. and it makes me think and feel like he needs a drink before he could even walk in the he could deal with us. i love him so much and worry about him dying soon from this. he is an active alcoholic and when he rages blames it all on me for the reason why he drinks. he hurts me physically and mentally and even though our love making doesnt start out as sexual assult its what he does even after i tell him no. when sober he is a good person,a great dad, a loving partner and a genuine caring person to all who know him. but no one see 8767 s him like i do. no one see 8767 s the monster that comes out after 65 cans and the worst part is its all in front of our daughter. and he is starting to scare her too. i know i have to leave for the sake of our *censored*. but i also know it will break her heart because she loves him so much. and he said he would kill him self if i leave. its either stay and endure it all knowing that it will affect our daughters life or leave and possible lead him to suicide and break my daughters heart. or just end my life, but i know that that would be even worse than both put together, i couldn 8767 t do that to my daughter she would grow up having all kinds of mental issues and to leave her with him and his disease, it would be unimaginably horrible. YES i have been to the support meetings and YES have called the suicidal hotline a ton of times and YES I HAVE even seen a doctor and councillor. YES i have a go bag a go car, which is parked around the corner, i have just in case money stored in a locker somewhere very close i have a place that my late aunt left for me that he doesnt know about. i have my escape plan planned out an ready to go if i ever fear for our lives. but i cant leave him sick like this. 8776 for better or for worse, in sickness and in health , from death do us part 8776 vows which i should have never agreed to before god. any advise any one plase ???????